One would think that before taking drugs, one should read all the warnings that come with the pills. I'm sure that a lot of this was mentioned by the doctor's office, but there was so much information that I know I missed a good chunk of it.
I'm now repeating the Chlomid for this month. I'm actually taking a double dose. I told a co-worker it made me nervous, and she asked what the side effects are. I had never read the brochure, so I did.
I now know perhaps why I've had a "floater" in my line of vision. I now have a reason to understand why I'm nauseous, dizzy, headache ridden, and tender. I've also learned that there's a small chance of mood changes. There'll be the shock for Hubby :)
Unfortunately, I also read the potential outcomes. There's a less than one percent chance of birth abnormalities. Out of the clinical tests, about 20% ended in spontaneous abortion. I found it disturbing that the brochure from the company that makes the Chlomid has a section titled "Pregnancy Wastage." That's where the spontaneous abortion and stillborns are listed. I'm not sure why the term "wastage" bothers me so much. Is a human life ever a waste--even if the life does not make it to birth?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Calm in the Hen House
The streak was too good to last. After over 10 years of irregularity, I shouldn't have been so nonchalant about having seven months of regular girly life.
It was weird--as we were barreling towards the doctor's office, ready to confirm that we had an egg ready to launch, do what's necessary so we could start IUI, we were totally discussing how amazing it was that we hadn't needed more assistance in cycling each month. We'd even noticed this month that I was much calmer and even-tempered on Chlomid than I have been.
The nurse spent a long time with her ultrasound machine. She asked a lot of questions. Even Hubby noted that something had to be amiss. Sure enough, no egg. Since the home tests never showed a surge, this was weird. There's not even a well developed egg that just got lost on the way out. The nurse said no traces of an egg being released was spotted on the ultrasound, and that the uterus had good lining.
So good news and bad news. Good news because we've had a lot extra expenses this week, and we're still looking into the other Hen's Nest idea, which means we've got more money coming out...and pay day is Wednesday. This was stressing me out, but we were ready to do whatever it took. Good news too that Hubby and I were all on board at the same time and the same place. Bad news because it isn't about money. It's about a chick. And I know that hearing that nothing happened stunk.
I had another blood test, and the nurse will call us tomorrow. If there was a surge, and the home tests missed it, we just wait for next month. If there was not a surge, I take double the amount of Chlomid for a cycle starting tomorrow. That's a lot. I think this may mean the end of my even-temperateness/calm behavior.
It was weird--as we were barreling towards the doctor's office, ready to confirm that we had an egg ready to launch, do what's necessary so we could start IUI, we were totally discussing how amazing it was that we hadn't needed more assistance in cycling each month. We'd even noticed this month that I was much calmer and even-tempered on Chlomid than I have been.
The nurse spent a long time with her ultrasound machine. She asked a lot of questions. Even Hubby noted that something had to be amiss. Sure enough, no egg. Since the home tests never showed a surge, this was weird. There's not even a well developed egg that just got lost on the way out. The nurse said no traces of an egg being released was spotted on the ultrasound, and that the uterus had good lining.
So good news and bad news. Good news because we've had a lot extra expenses this week, and we're still looking into the other Hen's Nest idea, which means we've got more money coming out...and pay day is Wednesday. This was stressing me out, but we were ready to do whatever it took. Good news too that Hubby and I were all on board at the same time and the same place. Bad news because it isn't about money. It's about a chick. And I know that hearing that nothing happened stunk.
I had another blood test, and the nurse will call us tomorrow. If there was a surge, and the home tests missed it, we just wait for next month. If there was not a surge, I take double the amount of Chlomid for a cycle starting tomorrow. That's a lot. I think this may mean the end of my even-temperateness/calm behavior.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Another Hen's Nest
Anybody else would have taken this month to be a sign that perhaps my nest is not the best nest to be attempting an egg. It begins with the whole I actually listened to some instructions, for the first time in my life, and then promptly misinterepted them.
The doctor's office has a message on the machine that advises that if weekend appointments are for emergencies only, and to call during the week for non-emergencies. Now, never mind that the office also has a sign posted to call them on day one of menstration so that the blood test can be done and results secured before prescriptions can be filled. So on a Saturday morning, I opted to follow the machine and decided to call first thing on Monday. Of course, I worked on Monday, so the nurse called the house, where I didn't get the message until the office was closed. Tuesday I harassed the tar out of various office staff trying to get information on whether I could still get the blood test and results in time--Day 5 is when you have to take the first pill. Tuesday afternoon I was told to run and get the test...but couldn't leave work because there wasn't enough staff. So on Day 5, Wednesday morning, I raced to get the blood test, just to get the results late Wednesday and not be able to get the pills until Thursday...DAY6.
So I took the pills a day late, figuring that I'm never on time with anything, and surely--considering my odd work hours have me juggling medication around and around (night stuff is actually taken at 0700, and morning pills are currently taken at 1700, except for weeks like this when I'm on travel--more about that in a minute--and then I have to readjust everything for the week and then go back to the wrong schedule...I'm always a day off and confused) God would let this work.
Sure enough, for the first time ever (well, since we've been testing since January), I actually ovulated on my own. On Day 18 (when I was supposed to call the doctor's office on Day 16--but no staff at work meant that the earliest I could get coverage to go to the doctor was Day 19), I took the little ovulation test at work, and had the magic two lines indicating an egg was ready for launch. I nearly passed out in shock, and I'd love to know what the others in the center thought the Clear Blue Easy stick of love was doing in our garbage...nobody has said a word though.
So Hubby and I rejoiced, and didn't make all the times required for a ton of reasons that would launch a whole new world of blogging troubles. Now here I sit, a million miles from home, and today is Day 15 of the second round of counting--the day I have to get the blood test to insure I'm not pregnant, so that I can get the prescription for Chlomid, and I'm in the middle of nowhere, with the nearest hospital being hours away, and all the blood labs I'm familiar with be even further away. It's not possible to get the bloodwork done, and I'm cramping, so I'll be most likely on Day 1 either tonight or tomorrow, and the whole dilemna with the doctor's office will happen again this month. Plus, this month we wanted to discuss starting IUI with the doctor's office. How can I ask them for an appointment to discuss that when it will most likely appear to them that we're not really serious about this--which we are, but I have to work to pay for these treatments, and I really can't tell my job I have to leave when it breaks the policies I signed there because I can't abandon my post, and I can't really tell my job that I couldn't go to this training when I need it for my job requirements.
In the meantime, an opportunity to pursue the egg that's currently nestling in another hen has arisen. It's really iffy, and there a million issues that are way too big to even begin going in to--especially when every 5 minutes my WiFi connection has to be renewed from where I am.
So I'm wondering how important the nest is, when the chicken will love and care for the chick, how to convince the egg to try out this nest and how important one month is if we miss this month. Maybe the silver lining is that having to take a month off will allow us to focus on this potential chick and whether we even want to pursue it.
The doctor's office has a message on the machine that advises that if weekend appointments are for emergencies only, and to call during the week for non-emergencies. Now, never mind that the office also has a sign posted to call them on day one of menstration so that the blood test can be done and results secured before prescriptions can be filled. So on a Saturday morning, I opted to follow the machine and decided to call first thing on Monday. Of course, I worked on Monday, so the nurse called the house, where I didn't get the message until the office was closed. Tuesday I harassed the tar out of various office staff trying to get information on whether I could still get the blood test and results in time--Day 5 is when you have to take the first pill. Tuesday afternoon I was told to run and get the test...but couldn't leave work because there wasn't enough staff. So on Day 5, Wednesday morning, I raced to get the blood test, just to get the results late Wednesday and not be able to get the pills until Thursday...DAY6.
So I took the pills a day late, figuring that I'm never on time with anything, and surely--considering my odd work hours have me juggling medication around and around (night stuff is actually taken at 0700, and morning pills are currently taken at 1700, except for weeks like this when I'm on travel--more about that in a minute--and then I have to readjust everything for the week and then go back to the wrong schedule...I'm always a day off and confused) God would let this work.
Sure enough, for the first time ever (well, since we've been testing since January), I actually ovulated on my own. On Day 18 (when I was supposed to call the doctor's office on Day 16--but no staff at work meant that the earliest I could get coverage to go to the doctor was Day 19), I took the little ovulation test at work, and had the magic two lines indicating an egg was ready for launch. I nearly passed out in shock, and I'd love to know what the others in the center thought the Clear Blue Easy stick of love was doing in our garbage...nobody has said a word though.
So Hubby and I rejoiced, and didn't make all the times required for a ton of reasons that would launch a whole new world of blogging troubles. Now here I sit, a million miles from home, and today is Day 15 of the second round of counting--the day I have to get the blood test to insure I'm not pregnant, so that I can get the prescription for Chlomid, and I'm in the middle of nowhere, with the nearest hospital being hours away, and all the blood labs I'm familiar with be even further away. It's not possible to get the bloodwork done, and I'm cramping, so I'll be most likely on Day 1 either tonight or tomorrow, and the whole dilemna with the doctor's office will happen again this month. Plus, this month we wanted to discuss starting IUI with the doctor's office. How can I ask them for an appointment to discuss that when it will most likely appear to them that we're not really serious about this--which we are, but I have to work to pay for these treatments, and I really can't tell my job I have to leave when it breaks the policies I signed there because I can't abandon my post, and I can't really tell my job that I couldn't go to this training when I need it for my job requirements.
In the meantime, an opportunity to pursue the egg that's currently nestling in another hen has arisen. It's really iffy, and there a million issues that are way too big to even begin going in to--especially when every 5 minutes my WiFi connection has to be renewed from where I am.
So I'm wondering how important the nest is, when the chicken will love and care for the chick, how to convince the egg to try out this nest and how important one month is if we miss this month. Maybe the silver lining is that having to take a month off will allow us to focus on this potential chick and whether we even want to pursue it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Life Rolls On
Obviously if we had had success in April, I would be cheering and posting, right? Guess where we stand :)
We've endured the third month of Chlomid and shots of HCG (I think I have that right, but it is late at night, and I'm fading!). What's amazing to me is that each month I get more negative, but the doctor's office is still positive :) It's also amazing that each of the three shots have been so different. The last two had to involve my dad as shot master, including mixing up the magic potion this month (the first month the clinic gave it to me, the second was a preloaded syringe) and I think he's taught Hubby how to do it, so next month Hubby can get even with me and shoot me up :)
Something, I think it was a combination of stress and Chlomid, made this month hard. Like, crying at work hard. And I don't usually let that happen--I get mad, but I don't cry where the big boys can see me. It's hard to pin what makes me up and down, and screwing with my hormones certainly doesn't help! However, the stuff that normally happens to me after the shot didn't happen this month, and I really need to read more and learn more about what should happen and what shouldn't happen. The only thing I've really learned, is that out of a 4 week cycle, Hubby only has a normal wife for 1 week. Well, as normal as I ever was.
This month we only had one egg (and that sounds ridiculous as I type it, but I really thought that since I was so off the wall this month, and last month I'd been calmer and we had two eggs, that this month we should have had a whole flock), and it was tiny. Not too small to work with, but tiny. I don't know how much stress played into this, but of course, being off the wall of normalcy, I blamed everything else in my life.
So now we're playing the waiting game for the pregnancy test. I'm almost on a first name basis with the blood lab. We're getting pretty good at first names with the various nurses (we didn't have the same nurse this month, and it did throw me for a loop). I'm ready to move on to the next step (IUI) next month, but I'm not sure about Hubby. Initially we said we'd do three to four months with just the Chlomid, but honestly, I don't know if one more month makes that much difference. And since the clinic (while leaving it completely up to us) seemed to lean more toward the next step after our first consultation, it may be time to roll on to the next step.
We've endured the third month of Chlomid and shots of HCG (I think I have that right, but it is late at night, and I'm fading!). What's amazing to me is that each month I get more negative, but the doctor's office is still positive :) It's also amazing that each of the three shots have been so different. The last two had to involve my dad as shot master, including mixing up the magic potion this month (the first month the clinic gave it to me, the second was a preloaded syringe) and I think he's taught Hubby how to do it, so next month Hubby can get even with me and shoot me up :)
Something, I think it was a combination of stress and Chlomid, made this month hard. Like, crying at work hard. And I don't usually let that happen--I get mad, but I don't cry where the big boys can see me. It's hard to pin what makes me up and down, and screwing with my hormones certainly doesn't help! However, the stuff that normally happens to me after the shot didn't happen this month, and I really need to read more and learn more about what should happen and what shouldn't happen. The only thing I've really learned, is that out of a 4 week cycle, Hubby only has a normal wife for 1 week. Well, as normal as I ever was.
This month we only had one egg (and that sounds ridiculous as I type it, but I really thought that since I was so off the wall this month, and last month I'd been calmer and we had two eggs, that this month we should have had a whole flock), and it was tiny. Not too small to work with, but tiny. I don't know how much stress played into this, but of course, being off the wall of normalcy, I blamed everything else in my life.
So now we're playing the waiting game for the pregnancy test. I'm almost on a first name basis with the blood lab. We're getting pretty good at first names with the various nurses (we didn't have the same nurse this month, and it did throw me for a loop). I'm ready to move on to the next step (IUI) next month, but I'm not sure about Hubby. Initially we said we'd do three to four months with just the Chlomid, but honestly, I don't know if one more month makes that much difference. And since the clinic (while leaving it completely up to us) seemed to lean more toward the next step after our first consultation, it may be time to roll on to the next step.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Ready to Launch, Round 2
I just realized that as I type this, I have no idea where I left off last time :)
So we just returned from the doctor. I say we, but it wasn't Hubby and I that went...I took my mommy with me. It's been a hundred days again (give or take about 80), and I took Chlomid this month, but haven't gotten the amusing little sticks to tell me if I'm ovulating or not. One should have seen the Walmart cart last night. We'd run out of ovulation predictor sticks, and they're not sold in Podunk, so we had to get them at Walmart in a neighboring town. While there, we remembered that Podunk also doesn't sell the type of pregnancy test that the Dr. recommended, so we stocked up on those too. We were either the most optimistic people ever or the most confused--but the checker didn't comment (bless her!).
Apparently both sides are ready to launch. This means that we'll give them another day to mature a little more (the eggs are not as "fat" as the last month, but there's two this time, so twice the chance, right?). This also means I'm looking for someone to stab me with a needle tomorrow night.
My father is normally embarrassed by talk about subjects that "should remain private," but he's the family expert on giving shots. Also, as my mom pointed out, we're wagering that if it means he's a step closer to grandparenthood, he may be game.
And once I'm shot, the count down begins. The cute little nurse that I thought may have belonged in high school helped me figure out the days, and waved her crossed fingers at me as I left. She actually has 3 children!
It's hard to believe this is technically only month 2 of trying with this doctor as I feel like we've been counting days forever. It's a good thing it's only round two because I'm still asking stupid questions of the doctor's office. It's hard to believe that in 2 more months we move on to the next step, because that seems so soon. It's a good thing that we set a time frame because I'm already wondering what's taking so long!
Are you as confused as we are?
So we just returned from the doctor. I say we, but it wasn't Hubby and I that went...I took my mommy with me. It's been a hundred days again (give or take about 80), and I took Chlomid this month, but haven't gotten the amusing little sticks to tell me if I'm ovulating or not. One should have seen the Walmart cart last night. We'd run out of ovulation predictor sticks, and they're not sold in Podunk, so we had to get them at Walmart in a neighboring town. While there, we remembered that Podunk also doesn't sell the type of pregnancy test that the Dr. recommended, so we stocked up on those too. We were either the most optimistic people ever or the most confused--but the checker didn't comment (bless her!).
Apparently both sides are ready to launch. This means that we'll give them another day to mature a little more (the eggs are not as "fat" as the last month, but there's two this time, so twice the chance, right?). This also means I'm looking for someone to stab me with a needle tomorrow night.
My father is normally embarrassed by talk about subjects that "should remain private," but he's the family expert on giving shots. Also, as my mom pointed out, we're wagering that if it means he's a step closer to grandparenthood, he may be game.
And once I'm shot, the count down begins. The cute little nurse that I thought may have belonged in high school helped me figure out the days, and waved her crossed fingers at me as I left. She actually has 3 children!
It's hard to believe this is technically only month 2 of trying with this doctor as I feel like we've been counting days forever. It's a good thing it's only round two because I'm still asking stupid questions of the doctor's office. It's hard to believe that in 2 more months we move on to the next step, because that seems so soon. It's a good thing that we set a time frame because I'm already wondering what's taking so long!
Are you as confused as we are?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Instant Results?
So the doctor's office has recommended Clear Blue Easy for everything--the ovulation kits and the pregnancy tests--as being the easiest and most accurate. Since we live in Podunk, we get what the local store sells, which is NOT Clear Blue Easy. Well, we have the CBE ovulation kit because we bought it in ABQ, but haven't had to use it yet. We thought the ovulation part was probably more important than the pregnancy test brand. Plus, I'm probably a little superstitious and having a pregnancy test around while trying to conceive seems like I'm holding out too much hope. So Hubby bought the test, and we have faithfully been waiting for the time period to end. I was up most of the night on Sunday sick (from something I ate or stress???), and consequently, the last thing I was going to do was visit the bathroom one more time. So we waited until this morning. If I was pregnant yesterday, I'd be pregnant today or know something was wrong, right?
The two little dashes that instantly appeared (seriously, I'm not even sure I was done taking the test, much less putting the cap back on to put it on the counter) are a definite no. In fact, the little circle that you look in is a blaring vibrant blue negative minus sign, much brighter than the second window that always has a line in it. I'm impressed at how quickly a little stick can dash hopes...hey, is the dash symbolic? I hadn't thought of that part...but I left it for the 2 minutes per the test box. Still a nice thick blue dash and not the cross...which come to think of it, a cross for a positive would be quite symbolic too!
Not remembering what comes next, but pretty certain a blood test is the most likely step, I'm waiting for the doctor's office to call back. Good news is that if that's negative and we go back to the BC pills to force menstruation, maybe I'll stop being so grumpy and tender and mean...well, for a couple of weeks anyway :)
Hubby and I will get the hang of this in the next 2-3 months, which will be fitting, because we had decided that we'd move on to the next step if this hasn't happened after 3 months of this plan :)
The two little dashes that instantly appeared (seriously, I'm not even sure I was done taking the test, much less putting the cap back on to put it on the counter) are a definite no. In fact, the little circle that you look in is a blaring vibrant blue negative minus sign, much brighter than the second window that always has a line in it. I'm impressed at how quickly a little stick can dash hopes...hey, is the dash symbolic? I hadn't thought of that part...but I left it for the 2 minutes per the test box. Still a nice thick blue dash and not the cross...which come to think of it, a cross for a positive would be quite symbolic too!
Not remembering what comes next, but pretty certain a blood test is the most likely step, I'm waiting for the doctor's office to call back. Good news is that if that's negative and we go back to the BC pills to force menstruation, maybe I'll stop being so grumpy and tender and mean...well, for a couple of weeks anyway :)
Hubby and I will get the hang of this in the next 2-3 months, which will be fitting, because we had decided that we'd move on to the next step if this hasn't happened after 3 months of this plan :)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Like Chicken, Like Egg
So we went to the doctor almost two weeks ago for a quick ultrasound and HCG shot. I don't even know what that means. What I know is that the very cute nurse that's still in high school was bubbly and excited and it was 0802 in the morning :) She did the ultrasound and said something along the lines of what a great big egg I had just waiting. I heard "what a nice fat egg!", but Hubby didn't hear the fat comment. I suppose we should be grateful for the many ultrasound experiences because should something ever take place, we'll be much better at identifying a baby. As it is, I think Hubby was disappointed that the black spot on the screen that looked like nothing was there was what was supposed to hook up with his swimmers and create life. One would think that the egg should have been dancing around or at least winked at us for confidence or something--it was a large black spot. Nurse measured it twice to be sure it was so large (although she was looking at me--and I don't do anything small anymore, hence my addiction to Lane Bryant). So she whipped in and out (that's kind of appropriate in all ways), attacked me with a needle (it wasn't an attack, in fact, I didn't really feel anything. I guess that's a benefit of using a child* to perform such tasks...they are so small that you assume they can't hurt you), and we were on our way within 15 minutes. A nice 3 hour roundtrip for 15 minutes that should help produce a lifetime commitment.
And so we added some days to our calendar, did exactly as instructed, and started the rest of the day count. Monday is the next deadine...either I'll be stocking feminine products or purchasing pregnancy tests. Every little cramp has my pessimistic voice saying it didn't work. Every tender spot on me has my tiny hopeful voice saying given that God allowed this month to have a chance when we didn't think it would, maybe it worked.
And I'm really praying for patience...Monday is a long time off!
*I know she couldn't have been a child, and really, I liked her a lot! She was kind, funny, and reassuring...I don't mean to be bashing her :)
And so we added some days to our calendar, did exactly as instructed, and started the rest of the day count. Monday is the next deadine...either I'll be stocking feminine products or purchasing pregnancy tests. Every little cramp has my pessimistic voice saying it didn't work. Every tender spot on me has my tiny hopeful voice saying given that God allowed this month to have a chance when we didn't think it would, maybe it worked.
And I'm really praying for patience...Monday is a long time off!
*I know she couldn't have been a child, and really, I liked her a lot! She was kind, funny, and reassuring...I don't mean to be bashing her :)
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