All Consuming

Despite our best intentions, this month was a flop :) So we begin again!

However, my body is apparently on a holiday or doing something incredibly odd, as generally the 15th day after we've coached, prompted and even..."babied" an egg to come out, and usually even within an hour or two from taking the pregnancy blood test, I'm starting the daily count again. We're now about four days off schedule, which wouldn't be a big deal, but I'm really noticing how much of life focuses around this. I thought that I would be easier going, and more relaxed, and I swore I wasn't going to be one of those bloggers that was constantly obsessing over days and slinging around lingo that others don't understand. I read a ton about how others allow this path to become so consuming that it's their entire life, and I vowed not to do it. And here I am doing it.

This month we were scheduled to go to Utah for our anniversary (every year we venture forth to unknown territory), and wouldn't you know it, the trip falls in the middle of the potential IUI time. While it doesn't sound like a big deal to most--I know, just postpone the trip--our even celebrating anniversaries is a really important part of our now relationship. However, I'm not willing to "waste" a month by not doing the procedure this month either. So now I'm in a quandary.

Not being pregnant sucks, but we honestly didn't think it would take immediately either. I understand that there's still a huge movement of the "if you think about constantly and truly desire it with all your heart it'll happen" train of thought. I don't believe this--it has to be God's plan. I just have to be sure that I'm not obsessing over it the point where I stop listening to Him...and be sure that I'm not not obsessing over it the point where I'm hindering Him.

Argh.

Hopefully it'll be counting time again this week, and then it wall fall into place.