Chlomid is apparently a sneaky little devil. It steals your emotions and it just may steal your eggs. Well, not literally.
After the triple dose of Chlomid, which you'll recall followed shortly behind the double dose, we've gotten no where.
I was a blubbering, complete with snot flowing and drool falling, idiot. I was definitely touchy, opinionated and miserable. There was an incident which involved Hubby's laughter and my sobs. It was not a fun week.
So we dutifully returned to the doctor last week, and the nurse carefully explained to me that there were no eggs near ready. Nada. There are two follicles slightly bigger than the others, but they are definitely not ready. So we're waiting to see if they grow, and Monday we'll return to the office, unless we manage to ovulate before then.
The nurse also explained that occasionally a body will react differently to Chlomid and the follicles may actually shrink. She then also advised me that next month we might just start with the triple dose...which has me a little frustrated. After the other nurse had discussed maybe trying another medication, I was nervous (something about the phrase "off the label" does that to me), but if it meant being more in control of myself, I was all about it. The nurse on Thursday also said that they sometimes have patients on as much Chlomid as 200 mg, and I can't even imagine how much fun that might be.
So we'll see what Monday brings. We've discussed taking October off--I'm supposed to be on travel, and we wanted time to pray about and research the other medicine--and I'm thinking that if my follicles are shrinking, and if the plan really is 200 mg, I may need a month to pull myself together.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Patience is a Virtue
I know that being patient is a virtue, and I understand that with a child I'll need lots more patience than I currently have. Fortunately, God is preparing us.
We made another trip to the doctor yesterday to learn that once again, I have no eggs ready to land in the nest. While it's reassuring to know that each time we've been right, and have read the little ovulation predictor stick correctly, it's not so reassuring to know that nothing is making these eggs grow.
This month we started with a double dose of Chlomid, and it really affected me physically. Of course, there was some other stress, but I think that the medicine totally took advantage of my worn out body and it really messed with my attitude, I was dizzy, etc. So although a double dose sounded like a lot to me, it had taken that last month, and the side effects were not enough to keep me home from work. Because nothing happened on the double dose, the doctor's office has prescribed 3x the original amount that worked from March through June, which I'll start tomorrow because the hospital here in Podunk can't fill that order until tomorrow.
150 mg seems like a lot of Chlomid. I was seriously wondering what happens next--as in, at what point do you accept that God may be finding not so subtle ways to show you that your body may not be able to produce a child the "easy" (as if any of this is easy!) way? I mean, what would be next--at what point is the dose of Chlomid too high? If at 50 mg all sorts of terrible things may happen to the fetus....Anyway, the nurse at the doctor's office assures us that there's still another medication that we'll do next month. It's "off the label" as in we'll be using if for a purpose it wasn't created to do. It has higher risks than Chlomid, but again, at 3x the "normal" dose of Chlomid, we're already playing the risk game. I need to do more research into the other medication.
So once Podunk has enough Chlomid to fill my prescription, we'll be off and running again. Good news is that I have a lot of sick leave at work. Bad news is that it's over a weekend, and Hubby will have to put up with me and my attitude. Good news is that no matter what, it's out of our hands, and we've known with both this and with the other Hen's nest (we are still pursuing her Chick as well), we know that there's a lesson from God in all of it. We just have to be patient and wait to learn what His plan is.
We made another trip to the doctor yesterday to learn that once again, I have no eggs ready to land in the nest. While it's reassuring to know that each time we've been right, and have read the little ovulation predictor stick correctly, it's not so reassuring to know that nothing is making these eggs grow.
This month we started with a double dose of Chlomid, and it really affected me physically. Of course, there was some other stress, but I think that the medicine totally took advantage of my worn out body and it really messed with my attitude, I was dizzy, etc. So although a double dose sounded like a lot to me, it had taken that last month, and the side effects were not enough to keep me home from work. Because nothing happened on the double dose, the doctor's office has prescribed 3x the original amount that worked from March through June, which I'll start tomorrow because the hospital here in Podunk can't fill that order until tomorrow.
150 mg seems like a lot of Chlomid. I was seriously wondering what happens next--as in, at what point do you accept that God may be finding not so subtle ways to show you that your body may not be able to produce a child the "easy" (as if any of this is easy!) way? I mean, what would be next--at what point is the dose of Chlomid too high? If at 50 mg all sorts of terrible things may happen to the fetus....Anyway, the nurse at the doctor's office assures us that there's still another medication that we'll do next month. It's "off the label" as in we'll be using if for a purpose it wasn't created to do. It has higher risks than Chlomid, but again, at 3x the "normal" dose of Chlomid, we're already playing the risk game. I need to do more research into the other medication.
So once Podunk has enough Chlomid to fill my prescription, we'll be off and running again. Good news is that I have a lot of sick leave at work. Bad news is that it's over a weekend, and Hubby will have to put up with me and my attitude. Good news is that no matter what, it's out of our hands, and we've known with both this and with the other Hen's nest (we are still pursuing her Chick as well), we know that there's a lesson from God in all of it. We just have to be patient and wait to learn what His plan is.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
All Consuming
Despite our best intentions, this month was a flop :) So we begin again!
However, my body is apparently on a holiday or doing something incredibly odd, as generally the 15th day after we've coached, prompted and even..."babied" an egg to come out, and usually even within an hour or two from taking the pregnancy blood test, I'm starting the daily count again. We're now about four days off schedule, which wouldn't be a big deal, but I'm really noticing how much of life focuses around this. I thought that I would be easier going, and more relaxed, and I swore I wasn't going to be one of those bloggers that was constantly obsessing over days and slinging around lingo that others don't understand. I read a ton about how others allow this path to become so consuming that it's their entire life, and I vowed not to do it. And here I am doing it.
This month we were scheduled to go to Utah for our anniversary (every year we venture forth to unknown territory), and wouldn't you know it, the trip falls in the middle of the potential IUI time. While it doesn't sound like a big deal to most--I know, just postpone the trip--our even celebrating anniversaries is a really important part of our now relationship. However, I'm not willing to "waste" a month by not doing the procedure this month either. So now I'm in a quandary.
Not being pregnant sucks, but we honestly didn't think it would take immediately either. I understand that there's still a huge movement of the "if you think about constantly and truly desire it with all your heart it'll happen" train of thought. I don't believe this--it has to be God's plan. I just have to be sure that I'm not obsessing over it the point where I stop listening to Him...and be sure that I'm not not obsessing over it the point where I'm hindering Him.
Argh.
Hopefully it'll be counting time again this week, and then it wall fall into place.
However, my body is apparently on a holiday or doing something incredibly odd, as generally the 15th day after we've coached, prompted and even..."babied" an egg to come out, and usually even within an hour or two from taking the pregnancy blood test, I'm starting the daily count again. We're now about four days off schedule, which wouldn't be a big deal, but I'm really noticing how much of life focuses around this. I thought that I would be easier going, and more relaxed, and I swore I wasn't going to be one of those bloggers that was constantly obsessing over days and slinging around lingo that others don't understand. I read a ton about how others allow this path to become so consuming that it's their entire life, and I vowed not to do it. And here I am doing it.
This month we were scheduled to go to Utah for our anniversary (every year we venture forth to unknown territory), and wouldn't you know it, the trip falls in the middle of the potential IUI time. While it doesn't sound like a big deal to most--I know, just postpone the trip--our even celebrating anniversaries is a really important part of our now relationship. However, I'm not willing to "waste" a month by not doing the procedure this month either. So now I'm in a quandary.
Not being pregnant sucks, but we honestly didn't think it would take immediately either. I understand that there's still a huge movement of the "if you think about constantly and truly desire it with all your heart it'll happen" train of thought. I don't believe this--it has to be God's plan. I just have to be sure that I'm not obsessing over it the point where I stop listening to Him...and be sure that I'm not not obsessing over it the point where I'm hindering Him.
Argh.
Hopefully it'll be counting time again this week, and then it wall fall into place.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Mass Production?
After no follicles, two seems like a lot.
I completed another round of Chlomid, this time a double shot. I managed not to be completely crazy, the floater in my eye did not grow, and I actually was not more nauseous or any other scary side effect more than usual. We met with the doctor's office today, and I was privileged to receive another HCG shot. Tomorrow we'll return at my crack of dawn for the first round of IUI.
I really appreciated the nurse that viewed the ultrasound. She was quiet at first, but fortunately relieved me when she said enthusiastically that there were two follicles. Hubby has become pretty good at picking out follicles on the little screen, and thinks they measured large...I guess that's good, but it seems a little weird to me that there were none even slightly stimulated 7 days ago, and now there's two? So now my mind's wondering thinking about the whole hormone induced animals to create more production of food and how some studies link this to what causes young girls to menstruate and develop breasts earlier and earlier...I'm on a whole 'nother track. It was just interesting to think about, especially because I'm on a kick to switch to all organic food, and have really only persisted in milk and meat so far, because I've been so worried about what added hormones do. Of course, as stated in the previous post, maybe I should pay more attention to what I take...and I think that includes all things that go into my body :)
Anyway, the nurse was pretty enthusiastic, and explained everything about IUI to us in good detail. I'll probably be too sleepy tomorrow to really register it, so that was good (we're scheduled for 915, and I get off work at 0630 plus we have a two hour drive, so I'll be sleeping in the car right up until it's my turn). The nurse was then shocked that I haven't been taking any prenatal vitamins...to be fair, it wasn't on the list of pills to take as far as Hubby and I remember, but it makes sense, and I'll be attempting to swallow those bad boys starting this weekend.
Here's hoping for some news to report in a few weeks :)
I completed another round of Chlomid, this time a double shot. I managed not to be completely crazy, the floater in my eye did not grow, and I actually was not more nauseous or any other scary side effect more than usual. We met with the doctor's office today, and I was privileged to receive another HCG shot. Tomorrow we'll return at my crack of dawn for the first round of IUI.
I really appreciated the nurse that viewed the ultrasound. She was quiet at first, but fortunately relieved me when she said enthusiastically that there were two follicles. Hubby has become pretty good at picking out follicles on the little screen, and thinks they measured large...I guess that's good, but it seems a little weird to me that there were none even slightly stimulated 7 days ago, and now there's two? So now my mind's wondering thinking about the whole hormone induced animals to create more production of food and how some studies link this to what causes young girls to menstruate and develop breasts earlier and earlier...I'm on a whole 'nother track. It was just interesting to think about, especially because I'm on a kick to switch to all organic food, and have really only persisted in milk and meat so far, because I've been so worried about what added hormones do. Of course, as stated in the previous post, maybe I should pay more attention to what I take...and I think that includes all things that go into my body :)
Anyway, the nurse was pretty enthusiastic, and explained everything about IUI to us in good detail. I'll probably be too sleepy tomorrow to really register it, so that was good (we're scheduled for 915, and I get off work at 0630 plus we have a two hour drive, so I'll be sleeping in the car right up until it's my turn). The nurse was then shocked that I haven't been taking any prenatal vitamins...to be fair, it wasn't on the list of pills to take as far as Hubby and I remember, but it makes sense, and I'll be attempting to swallow those bad boys starting this weekend.
Here's hoping for some news to report in a few weeks :)
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Floaters and Other Questions Answered
One would think that before taking drugs, one should read all the warnings that come with the pills. I'm sure that a lot of this was mentioned by the doctor's office, but there was so much information that I know I missed a good chunk of it.
I'm now repeating the Chlomid for this month. I'm actually taking a double dose. I told a co-worker it made me nervous, and she asked what the side effects are. I had never read the brochure, so I did.
I now know perhaps why I've had a "floater" in my line of vision. I now have a reason to understand why I'm nauseous, dizzy, headache ridden, and tender. I've also learned that there's a small chance of mood changes. There'll be the shock for Hubby :)
Unfortunately, I also read the potential outcomes. There's a less than one percent chance of birth abnormalities. Out of the clinical tests, about 20% ended in spontaneous abortion. I found it disturbing that the brochure from the company that makes the Chlomid has a section titled "Pregnancy Wastage." That's where the spontaneous abortion and stillborns are listed. I'm not sure why the term "wastage" bothers me so much. Is a human life ever a waste--even if the life does not make it to birth?
I'm now repeating the Chlomid for this month. I'm actually taking a double dose. I told a co-worker it made me nervous, and she asked what the side effects are. I had never read the brochure, so I did.
I now know perhaps why I've had a "floater" in my line of vision. I now have a reason to understand why I'm nauseous, dizzy, headache ridden, and tender. I've also learned that there's a small chance of mood changes. There'll be the shock for Hubby :)
Unfortunately, I also read the potential outcomes. There's a less than one percent chance of birth abnormalities. Out of the clinical tests, about 20% ended in spontaneous abortion. I found it disturbing that the brochure from the company that makes the Chlomid has a section titled "Pregnancy Wastage." That's where the spontaneous abortion and stillborns are listed. I'm not sure why the term "wastage" bothers me so much. Is a human life ever a waste--even if the life does not make it to birth?
Calm in the Hen House
The streak was too good to last. After over 10 years of irregularity, I shouldn't have been so nonchalant about having seven months of regular girly life.
It was weird--as we were barreling towards the doctor's office, ready to confirm that we had an egg ready to launch, do what's necessary so we could start IUI, we were totally discussing how amazing it was that we hadn't needed more assistance in cycling each month. We'd even noticed this month that I was much calmer and even-tempered on Chlomid than I have been.
The nurse spent a long time with her ultrasound machine. She asked a lot of questions. Even Hubby noted that something had to be amiss. Sure enough, no egg. Since the home tests never showed a surge, this was weird. There's not even a well developed egg that just got lost on the way out. The nurse said no traces of an egg being released was spotted on the ultrasound, and that the uterus had good lining.
So good news and bad news. Good news because we've had a lot extra expenses this week, and we're still looking into the other Hen's Nest idea, which means we've got more money coming out...and pay day is Wednesday. This was stressing me out, but we were ready to do whatever it took. Good news too that Hubby and I were all on board at the same time and the same place. Bad news because it isn't about money. It's about a chick. And I know that hearing that nothing happened stunk.
I had another blood test, and the nurse will call us tomorrow. If there was a surge, and the home tests missed it, we just wait for next month. If there was not a surge, I take double the amount of Chlomid for a cycle starting tomorrow. That's a lot. I think this may mean the end of my even-temperateness/calm behavior.
It was weird--as we were barreling towards the doctor's office, ready to confirm that we had an egg ready to launch, do what's necessary so we could start IUI, we were totally discussing how amazing it was that we hadn't needed more assistance in cycling each month. We'd even noticed this month that I was much calmer and even-tempered on Chlomid than I have been.
The nurse spent a long time with her ultrasound machine. She asked a lot of questions. Even Hubby noted that something had to be amiss. Sure enough, no egg. Since the home tests never showed a surge, this was weird. There's not even a well developed egg that just got lost on the way out. The nurse said no traces of an egg being released was spotted on the ultrasound, and that the uterus had good lining.
So good news and bad news. Good news because we've had a lot extra expenses this week, and we're still looking into the other Hen's Nest idea, which means we've got more money coming out...and pay day is Wednesday. This was stressing me out, but we were ready to do whatever it took. Good news too that Hubby and I were all on board at the same time and the same place. Bad news because it isn't about money. It's about a chick. And I know that hearing that nothing happened stunk.
I had another blood test, and the nurse will call us tomorrow. If there was a surge, and the home tests missed it, we just wait for next month. If there was not a surge, I take double the amount of Chlomid for a cycle starting tomorrow. That's a lot. I think this may mean the end of my even-temperateness/calm behavior.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Another Hen's Nest
Anybody else would have taken this month to be a sign that perhaps my nest is not the best nest to be attempting an egg. It begins with the whole I actually listened to some instructions, for the first time in my life, and then promptly misinterepted them.
The doctor's office has a message on the machine that advises that if weekend appointments are for emergencies only, and to call during the week for non-emergencies. Now, never mind that the office also has a sign posted to call them on day one of menstration so that the blood test can be done and results secured before prescriptions can be filled. So on a Saturday morning, I opted to follow the machine and decided to call first thing on Monday. Of course, I worked on Monday, so the nurse called the house, where I didn't get the message until the office was closed. Tuesday I harassed the tar out of various office staff trying to get information on whether I could still get the blood test and results in time--Day 5 is when you have to take the first pill. Tuesday afternoon I was told to run and get the test...but couldn't leave work because there wasn't enough staff. So on Day 5, Wednesday morning, I raced to get the blood test, just to get the results late Wednesday and not be able to get the pills until Thursday...DAY6.
So I took the pills a day late, figuring that I'm never on time with anything, and surely--considering my odd work hours have me juggling medication around and around (night stuff is actually taken at 0700, and morning pills are currently taken at 1700, except for weeks like this when I'm on travel--more about that in a minute--and then I have to readjust everything for the week and then go back to the wrong schedule...I'm always a day off and confused) God would let this work.
Sure enough, for the first time ever (well, since we've been testing since January), I actually ovulated on my own. On Day 18 (when I was supposed to call the doctor's office on Day 16--but no staff at work meant that the earliest I could get coverage to go to the doctor was Day 19), I took the little ovulation test at work, and had the magic two lines indicating an egg was ready for launch. I nearly passed out in shock, and I'd love to know what the others in the center thought the Clear Blue Easy stick of love was doing in our garbage...nobody has said a word though.
So Hubby and I rejoiced, and didn't make all the times required for a ton of reasons that would launch a whole new world of blogging troubles. Now here I sit, a million miles from home, and today is Day 15 of the second round of counting--the day I have to get the blood test to insure I'm not pregnant, so that I can get the prescription for Chlomid, and I'm in the middle of nowhere, with the nearest hospital being hours away, and all the blood labs I'm familiar with be even further away. It's not possible to get the bloodwork done, and I'm cramping, so I'll be most likely on Day 1 either tonight or tomorrow, and the whole dilemna with the doctor's office will happen again this month. Plus, this month we wanted to discuss starting IUI with the doctor's office. How can I ask them for an appointment to discuss that when it will most likely appear to them that we're not really serious about this--which we are, but I have to work to pay for these treatments, and I really can't tell my job I have to leave when it breaks the policies I signed there because I can't abandon my post, and I can't really tell my job that I couldn't go to this training when I need it for my job requirements.
In the meantime, an opportunity to pursue the egg that's currently nestling in another hen has arisen. It's really iffy, and there a million issues that are way too big to even begin going in to--especially when every 5 minutes my WiFi connection has to be renewed from where I am.
So I'm wondering how important the nest is, when the chicken will love and care for the chick, how to convince the egg to try out this nest and how important one month is if we miss this month. Maybe the silver lining is that having to take a month off will allow us to focus on this potential chick and whether we even want to pursue it.
The doctor's office has a message on the machine that advises that if weekend appointments are for emergencies only, and to call during the week for non-emergencies. Now, never mind that the office also has a sign posted to call them on day one of menstration so that the blood test can be done and results secured before prescriptions can be filled. So on a Saturday morning, I opted to follow the machine and decided to call first thing on Monday. Of course, I worked on Monday, so the nurse called the house, where I didn't get the message until the office was closed. Tuesday I harassed the tar out of various office staff trying to get information on whether I could still get the blood test and results in time--Day 5 is when you have to take the first pill. Tuesday afternoon I was told to run and get the test...but couldn't leave work because there wasn't enough staff. So on Day 5, Wednesday morning, I raced to get the blood test, just to get the results late Wednesday and not be able to get the pills until Thursday...DAY6.
So I took the pills a day late, figuring that I'm never on time with anything, and surely--considering my odd work hours have me juggling medication around and around (night stuff is actually taken at 0700, and morning pills are currently taken at 1700, except for weeks like this when I'm on travel--more about that in a minute--and then I have to readjust everything for the week and then go back to the wrong schedule...I'm always a day off and confused) God would let this work.
Sure enough, for the first time ever (well, since we've been testing since January), I actually ovulated on my own. On Day 18 (when I was supposed to call the doctor's office on Day 16--but no staff at work meant that the earliest I could get coverage to go to the doctor was Day 19), I took the little ovulation test at work, and had the magic two lines indicating an egg was ready for launch. I nearly passed out in shock, and I'd love to know what the others in the center thought the Clear Blue Easy stick of love was doing in our garbage...nobody has said a word though.
So Hubby and I rejoiced, and didn't make all the times required for a ton of reasons that would launch a whole new world of blogging troubles. Now here I sit, a million miles from home, and today is Day 15 of the second round of counting--the day I have to get the blood test to insure I'm not pregnant, so that I can get the prescription for Chlomid, and I'm in the middle of nowhere, with the nearest hospital being hours away, and all the blood labs I'm familiar with be even further away. It's not possible to get the bloodwork done, and I'm cramping, so I'll be most likely on Day 1 either tonight or tomorrow, and the whole dilemna with the doctor's office will happen again this month. Plus, this month we wanted to discuss starting IUI with the doctor's office. How can I ask them for an appointment to discuss that when it will most likely appear to them that we're not really serious about this--which we are, but I have to work to pay for these treatments, and I really can't tell my job I have to leave when it breaks the policies I signed there because I can't abandon my post, and I can't really tell my job that I couldn't go to this training when I need it for my job requirements.
In the meantime, an opportunity to pursue the egg that's currently nestling in another hen has arisen. It's really iffy, and there a million issues that are way too big to even begin going in to--especially when every 5 minutes my WiFi connection has to be renewed from where I am.
So I'm wondering how important the nest is, when the chicken will love and care for the chick, how to convince the egg to try out this nest and how important one month is if we miss this month. Maybe the silver lining is that having to take a month off will allow us to focus on this potential chick and whether we even want to pursue it.
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