Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Preview Month

I know it's been eons since my last post...or almost 2 weeks, whatever comes first :)

We were all set to start the day counting steps (I think we're up to 4 different times we count days for different things), and had, in fact, learned that we needed to start with another set of day counting earlier than we thought, when we discovered that this month is more than just trial by fire based on MY body...

For a short and sweet explanation, I'll be out of the state during the critical days this month. So this month is a wash. I guess I could look at it as God giving me a little more time to come to grips with my fears and more time to learn to trust Him [thank you, my dear friend, for pointing out that this is a great time to get closer to Him, and thank you, "Maven," for pointing out how much He loves me :)]. I know all this, rationally, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I'm pretty bummed that we're another month off.

That sounds weird, but I was so afraid that this might move either very quickly, or not at all, and it really is a relief to know that I'm okay with just letting God lead.

That's for this month...I'm sure a couple of months down the line I'll be pretty upset if the "not at all" part has taken residence.

So for now, I continue taking the beautiful birth control pills (the dr. office told Hubby it would very bad to stop midway), and I've remembered what I hate about the pills. In high school, my primary care put me on them to try to regulate me (this was way before diagnosis #1 re: infertility). They make me fat, acne covered, and slow moving. The weight gain is always a problem--especially since both diagnosises (is that even a word) that contribute to the infertility cause me to carry extra weight. I may have to actually start using the gym membership we've had for years. The acne is not really a surprise, but stinks since I'm already one of ProActiv's dedicated subscribers. The slow moving is a HUGE issue...my joints flare and my extremities swell and every step hurts like the dickens. This makes me pretty grumpy, and makes me lean on Hubby for every day stuff, like getting stuff up and down stairs. So far I haven't had to resort to having him dress me, but I remember that he used to have to help dress me when the joints would act up. I remember that part of the reason I stopped with the birth control after high school was because of the additional joint trouble. Of course, diagnosis 1 & 2 also come with joint pain, and I'm used to some degree of underlying joint pain. And I hear it's nothing compared to childbirth :)

Just think, if I'm this grumpy now, after 8 days of b.c. pills, I'll be a lot of "fun" next month with the additional drugs. I told Hubby this is our preview month!