Tuesday, September 16, 2008


It's ironic to me that I'm trying to create life, while I watch a friend struggle for life, so I know this will be brief...more of a quickie journaling than I usually like to do to digest my thoughts.

We've just returned from Albuquerque, and I have been dutifully shot up with Hubby's swimmers :) The nurse must have been able to tell that I'm not really all here these days, as she hugged me long and hard before leaving the room...and I'd just met her last week.

We're trying to figure out days (the counting changes with the other drug, and I know I'll be permanently confused!) to see if October will actually work, now that we have a day to start counting from. I'm sure that makes no sense.

So in 14 days I'll trek down to Santa Fe for the obligatory blood pregnancy test, and we'll see where we go from there.

On a brighter note, we spent some time checking out baby furniture (cribs all start looking alike after the 10th, and I couldn't remember one "travel system" from another...totally overwhelming!) so that we have an idea of what sort of funds we should be setting aside for the other Hen's chick. We've decided that we've heard God loud and clear, and that we should pursue the chick as long as it's possible...and with God, it's ALL possible. Now we just have to figure out how He's going to make it possible to rob a bank!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Fox in the Hen House

Chlomid is apparently a sneaky little devil. It steals your emotions and it just may steal your eggs. Well, not literally.

After the triple dose of Chlomid, which you'll recall followed shortly behind the double dose, we've gotten no where.

I was a blubbering, complete with snot flowing and drool falling, idiot. I was definitely touchy, opinionated and miserable. There was an incident which involved Hubby's laughter and my sobs. It was not a fun week.

So we dutifully returned to the doctor last week, and the nurse carefully explained to me that there were no eggs near ready. Nada. There are two follicles slightly bigger than the others, but they are definitely not ready. So we're waiting to see if they grow, and Monday we'll return to the office, unless we manage to ovulate before then.

The nurse also explained that occasionally a body will react differently to Chlomid and the follicles may actually shrink. She then also advised me that next month we might just start with the triple dose...which has me a little frustrated. After the other nurse had discussed maybe trying another medication, I was nervous (something about the phrase "off the label" does that to me), but if it meant being more in control of myself, I was all about it. The nurse on Thursday also said that they sometimes have patients on as much Chlomid as 200 mg, and I can't even imagine how much fun that might be.

So we'll see what Monday brings. We've discussed taking October off--I'm supposed to be on travel, and we wanted time to pray about and research the other medicine--and I'm thinking that if my follicles are shrinking, and if the plan really is 200 mg, I may need a month to pull myself together.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Patience is a Virtue

I know that being patient is a virtue, and I understand that with a child I'll need lots more patience than I currently have. Fortunately, God is preparing us.

We made another trip to the doctor yesterday to learn that once again, I have no eggs ready to land in the nest. While it's reassuring to know that each time we've been right, and have read the little ovulation predictor stick correctly, it's not so reassuring to know that nothing is making these eggs grow.

This month we started with a double dose of Chlomid, and it really affected me physically. Of course, there was some other stress, but I think that the medicine totally took advantage of my worn out body and it really messed with my attitude, I was dizzy, etc. So although a double dose sounded like a lot to me, it had taken that last month, and the side effects were not enough to keep me home from work. Because nothing happened on the double dose, the doctor's office has prescribed 3x the original amount that worked from March through June, which I'll start tomorrow because the hospital here in Podunk can't fill that order until tomorrow.

150 mg seems like a lot of Chlomid. I was seriously wondering what happens next--as in, at what point do you accept that God may be finding not so subtle ways to show you that your body may not be able to produce a child the "easy" (as if any of this is easy!) way? I mean, what would be next--at what point is the dose of Chlomid too high? If at 50 mg all sorts of terrible things may happen to the fetus....Anyway, the nurse at the doctor's office assures us that there's still another medication that we'll do next month. It's "off the label" as in we'll be using if for a purpose it wasn't created to do. It has higher risks than Chlomid, but again, at 3x the "normal" dose of Chlomid, we're already playing the risk game. I need to do more research into the other medication.

So once Podunk has enough Chlomid to fill my prescription, we'll be off and running again. Good news is that I have a lot of sick leave at work. Bad news is that it's over a weekend, and Hubby will have to put up with me and my attitude. Good news is that no matter what, it's out of our hands, and we've known with both this and with the other Hen's nest (we are still pursuing her Chick as well), we know that there's a lesson from God in all of it. We just have to be patient and wait to learn what His plan is.