Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Instant Results?

So the doctor's office has recommended Clear Blue Easy for everything--the ovulation kits and the pregnancy tests--as being the easiest and most accurate. Since we live in Podunk, we get what the local store sells, which is NOT Clear Blue Easy. Well, we have the CBE ovulation kit because we bought it in ABQ, but haven't had to use it yet. We thought the ovulation part was probably more important than the pregnancy test brand. Plus, I'm probably a little superstitious and having a pregnancy test around while trying to conceive seems like I'm holding out too much hope. So Hubby bought the test, and we have faithfully been waiting for the time period to end. I was up most of the night on Sunday sick (from something I ate or stress???), and consequently, the last thing I was going to do was visit the bathroom one more time. So we waited until this morning. If I was pregnant yesterday, I'd be pregnant today or know something was wrong, right?

The two little dashes that instantly appeared (seriously, I'm not even sure I was done taking the test, much less putting the cap back on to put it on the counter) are a definite no. In fact, the little circle that you look in is a blaring vibrant blue negative minus sign, much brighter than the second window that always has a line in it. I'm impressed at how quickly a little stick can dash hopes...hey, is the dash symbolic? I hadn't thought of that part...but I left it for the 2 minutes per the test box. Still a nice thick blue dash and not the cross...which come to think of it, a cross for a positive would be quite symbolic too!

Not remembering what comes next, but pretty certain a blood test is the most likely step, I'm waiting for the doctor's office to call back. Good news is that if that's negative and we go back to the BC pills to force menstruation, maybe I'll stop being so grumpy and tender and mean...well, for a couple of weeks anyway :)

Hubby and I will get the hang of this in the next 2-3 months, which will be fitting, because we had decided that we'd move on to the next step if this hasn't happened after 3 months of this plan :)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Like Chicken, Like Egg

So we went to the doctor almost two weeks ago for a quick ultrasound and HCG shot. I don't even know what that means. What I know is that the very cute nurse that's still in high school was bubbly and excited and it was 0802 in the morning :) She did the ultrasound and said something along the lines of what a great big egg I had just waiting. I heard "what a nice fat egg!", but Hubby didn't hear the fat comment. I suppose we should be grateful for the many ultrasound experiences because should something ever take place, we'll be much better at identifying a baby. As it is, I think Hubby was disappointed that the black spot on the screen that looked like nothing was there was what was supposed to hook up with his swimmers and create life. One would think that the egg should have been dancing around or at least winked at us for confidence or something--it was a large black spot. Nurse measured it twice to be sure it was so large (although she was looking at me--and I don't do anything small anymore, hence my addiction to Lane Bryant). So she whipped in and out (that's kind of appropriate in all ways), attacked me with a needle (it wasn't an attack, in fact, I didn't really feel anything. I guess that's a benefit of using a child* to perform such tasks...they are so small that you assume they can't hurt you), and we were on our way within 15 minutes. A nice 3 hour roundtrip for 15 minutes that should help produce a lifetime commitment.

And so we added some days to our calendar, did exactly as instructed, and started the rest of the day count. Monday is the next deadine...either I'll be stocking feminine products or purchasing pregnancy tests. Every little cramp has my pessimistic voice saying it didn't work. Every tender spot on me has my tiny hopeful voice saying given that God allowed this month to have a chance when we didn't think it would, maybe it worked.

And I'm really praying for patience...Monday is a long time off!

*I know she couldn't have been a child, and really, I liked her a lot! She was kind, funny, and reassuring...I don't mean to be bashing her :)

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Follicles in Waiting

So I must be the dumbest person ever to attempt to use fertility medication.

I had to uproot and head out to Baltimore, right before I finished the birth control pills. I was gone for 17 days, so that undid the whole be with Hubby when the follicles would be out for courting. Hubby was good enough to pick up the Chlomid, but the days (and I double and triple counted) weren't going to work. We figured, no big deal, there's always March.

I get back and on Friday decide to call the doctor in Albuquerque to see if I should resume the birth control this month. I'm figuring that the packets are for four weeks (I take two weeks worth and throw out the rest), and this Monday would be when, if I was taking BC to prevent pregnancy, I would start the new month's packet, so obviously I should be ready to pop some more pills. Made sense to me...although my clothes were finally fitting again after the inevitable weight gain from the pills, so I should have known something was up.

Luckily the nurse didn't laugh at me. I forgot the whole step of must have blood work in order to confirm that there was no ovulated moment and no pregnancy. Of course, in my head, if I've been gone since just prior to the last menstruation, and Hubby was in another state, there's no way. Without any snickering, the nurse gently reminds me that I need a blood test to check out hormone levels and to confirm no pregnancy. Hubby gets a good snicker at the preggo test, and we race out of Sam's Club to the lab and do the blood work.

Turns out, when the nice nurse calls with the results on Saturday morning, no pregnancy, but wouldn't you know it, I haven't ovulated yet, and there's "a follicle" somewhere in waiting as told by the hormone levels. If I understand correctly--which I obviously have not been understanding totally as apparent by my "so I'm just confirming I start with the BC pills right away" call--this means that I need an injection to help convince the follicle to come out and dance. Tomorrow morning, Hubby and I will race down to Albuquerque for an ultrasound and then the injection.

I was so afraid of how quickly everything was moving, and then I got called out of town and was upset that things were on standstill for another month (although, after 7 years, what's another month?) and now it's like we have another chance at this month (well, I guess it's technically 2 weeks behind so we are into the next month, but same cycle). I hate that my emotions are already screwy and I don't even have a medicated excuse.

Keep your prayers vocal, and we'll see in about 10 hours where my follicles stand :)