Thursday, September 4, 2008

Patience is a Virtue

I know that being patient is a virtue, and I understand that with a child I'll need lots more patience than I currently have. Fortunately, God is preparing us.

We made another trip to the doctor yesterday to learn that once again, I have no eggs ready to land in the nest. While it's reassuring to know that each time we've been right, and have read the little ovulation predictor stick correctly, it's not so reassuring to know that nothing is making these eggs grow.

This month we started with a double dose of Chlomid, and it really affected me physically. Of course, there was some other stress, but I think that the medicine totally took advantage of my worn out body and it really messed with my attitude, I was dizzy, etc. So although a double dose sounded like a lot to me, it had taken that last month, and the side effects were not enough to keep me home from work. Because nothing happened on the double dose, the doctor's office has prescribed 3x the original amount that worked from March through June, which I'll start tomorrow because the hospital here in Podunk can't fill that order until tomorrow.

150 mg seems like a lot of Chlomid. I was seriously wondering what happens next--as in, at what point do you accept that God may be finding not so subtle ways to show you that your body may not be able to produce a child the "easy" (as if any of this is easy!) way? I mean, what would be next--at what point is the dose of Chlomid too high? If at 50 mg all sorts of terrible things may happen to the fetus....Anyway, the nurse at the doctor's office assures us that there's still another medication that we'll do next month. It's "off the label" as in we'll be using if for a purpose it wasn't created to do. It has higher risks than Chlomid, but again, at 3x the "normal" dose of Chlomid, we're already playing the risk game. I need to do more research into the other medication.

So once Podunk has enough Chlomid to fill my prescription, we'll be off and running again. Good news is that I have a lot of sick leave at work. Bad news is that it's over a weekend, and Hubby will have to put up with me and my attitude. Good news is that no matter what, it's out of our hands, and we've known with both this and with the other Hen's nest (we are still pursuing her Chick as well), we know that there's a lesson from God in all of it. We just have to be patient and wait to learn what His plan is.

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